Blank Slate State
As I start to move back towards wanting to share some of the newer things I've been working on, I can sense my resistance to declare some kind of new "direction". After all these years of struggling with where I belong artistically, I realize what a trap it can be. I'm aware that as a human being within linear time I am always re-evaluating, and re-inventing myself. Labels at these kinds of junctions often establish counter-productive restrictions. Although some disciplines have given me a leg up in the past, I currently feel void of delineation. Some days I can't wait to meet my next portrait subject and delve into their story. Other days I'm struck by something simple like a plant or shadow and lose myself for hours trying to capture an idea. In parallel with this lack of focal point, there is very little demanding my energies these days. I spend a lot of time alone and have little to no roots to where I am in life. Many things that I thought would flourish artistically or in my personal life, faded away or felt terribly wrong for me somehow. This kind of blank slate state arrives with no directions or distractions. At times the starkness of it all fills my head with questions and the next moment I'll feel nothing but gratitude and relief for the absolute freedom I've been granted. Within emptiness anything feels possible, and many positive self reliant behaviors have naturally sprung into action. I often wonder if many doors have been closed on me in order for me to be truly open. To not make any assumptions, and keep my eyes open wide at all times.
I've always been aware about how positive it is for me to use this blog space to chronicle and understand my own journey, and I look forward to taking full advantage of that. Just as I am curious about how other people's lives unfold, I am curious about my own modes of problem solving and where each equation ends up carrying me. Part of me wonders if my fascination with photographing people comes from a deep desire to understand how our experiences shape who we are, as well as an obsession with finding a direct link to the driving force within each of us that reaches out for something more. I know that the person I am feels compelled to write, create, connect and share while trying to find the best way to dig deeper into these subjects. I can only hope that my current unassuming mind lends itself to this process. Photography and writing have sustained themselves as top shelf investigative tools in my book so far. But I'm not stuck on them. At the root of my artistic endeavors is curiosity, and my desire to better understand the human experience. That's my priority. One day my questions may be answered by something else, but for now this is my reality.